Yes I begin this post with an S.O.S for to blog on gratitude as part of the April A to Z is substantially more difficult than one could assume! So many options, so many hurdles to overcome. Do I post from the heart and sod the consequence of purging my soul to the blogosphere?
Shooting from the hip, jumping in with both feet, acting first and then seeing what the outcome is. I wish I didn’t but hey we all have flaws. To shoot from the hip can and does often backfire. But I always speak the truth, take people as I find them not as rumour suggests and try to see the best in those I meet. So should I be grateful for these qualities? Perhaps, I shall let you be the judge.
The last time I dated, I offered a disclaimer. I “specialise in shit” my date bless him did not know what to say to that so I explained. “I see the best in people, sometimes that is great, but when you mix that with my stubbornness I seem to end up in the shitty situations clearing up the mess.” Sarcasm was identified and fortunately he was able to laugh at my satirical appraisal of my dating history. I don’t mean to pigeon-hole my past, but for easy of tale telling there was; the gambler, the man-slut, the alcoholic, the bully, the liar and then the painful optimist.
Now as a specialist in dating failures I did not want this lovely funny man to think he would be the next on the list in my own personal disaster zone. The truth is I have survived, I chose to become involved with these people because I saw the best in them. Sadly focusing on this stopped me from seeing the worst until one or both of us was too involved and well people get hurt in the fall out from the failed relationship it is inevitable. So we talked we laughed we smiled, we shared our thoughts and histories and we took things slow, things didn’t work out but hey we shared some fun and still think of each other with fondness.
Single life is simpler, so you would think. I am grateful for the time and the freedom I have as a single girl (yes mother I know). I have not dated in over a year and feel no inclination to do so. Should I upset the status quo? I’ll just go with the flow.
I spoke to Swedeling about my S post. I was stuck, swamped with suggestions and endeavouring to produce something worth reading, “sing alongs” were suggested and hey to be fair I am grateful for those. The sport of Wisk singing should be in the Olympics as far as I am concerned. One evening we shared a top-notch Abba fest in Swedeling’s new flat. The kitchen window had been open as the three of us, the Swede, her hubster and I belted out S.O.S at 9pm powered by beer and giggles. Surprisingly the next morning my dear friends’ neighbours thought we were an Abba tribute of sorts and she suggested that we were “professionals practicing”.
Silliness keeps us going when the serious side of life takes it toll, or so I like to think. The A to Z posts have led to a great deal of reflection for me. There have been many tears shed over my 36 years on the planet but these are cast into the shadows by the smiles, so far I have survived! For each of my dating disasters there is gratitude, each taught me lesson, made me stronger, each had their redeeming qualities. I am sad that at times I should have walked away or ran for the hills, but the stubborn me stayed to fix things until the reality of the situation was undeniable.
I am unsure why this became my S of choice, perhaps today became a day to purge my thoughts to see what was going on in my head. I might be a specialist in shit, but I have chosen a new path if that means walking alone then so be it. Sadly this is the end of the S post, so I shall bid you good cheer till tomorrow I am pleased to see myself as a strong person, I am grateful for the smiles and the singing, So I might have dealt with some shit along the way but haven’t we all so today I am pleased I am still standing, still smiling, still single.